21/9 – Im not sure why the thought come to my mind, but yesterday I was remembering one of my finest/toughest running occasions….the 2013 Coast 2 Kosci. The whole race went incredibly well (apart from a MASSIVE attack of the sleep demons thought the night), but during the race, I had one of those magical moments, one that I will never forget.
I must have been about 200k-ish into the race (240k in total) and I was just spent. I reached what I remember being Perisher ski resort and needing to go to the bathroom. I walked through a deserted dirt carpark and went into a beaten down, dodgy looking toilet block. There was no one around and the vibe was eery….even a little creepy. It could have been my scattered mind playing tricks on me at that point in the race but thats how it felt. The toilet area was a little room where I did what I had to do and then found myself looking, even staring at myself in the mirror. It was like I was looking down on myself from above, completely looking through my eyes into my nearly broken soul. I was SO tired and I remember thinking ‘Who are you?’ ‘You look destroyed’ ‘Why are you doing this to yourself?’ I washed my face to try and wake myself up, stared at my reflection for what seemed forever, eventually snapping back to my mind, getting out of that classy rest room and continuing down the road to get the job done. I remember it as clear as anything! It was one of those surreal moments you often find yourself in in an ultra where reality and fantasy meld into one. Joy, despair, helplessness and the simple act of taking another step forward. Beautiful struggle.
That moment is a pretty fair analogy of where I am at at the moment with my running. After five months of rest, easing back into things, trying to listen to my body and let it heal, my groin injury just isn’t improving. I decided earlier this week that I am going to take six to seven weeks completely off running, just walking to let it heal. I am also having an MRI on Tuesday so that may provide some much needed answers as to what the issue is. I feel as though I am in my own ‘winter’ and not quite sure how to react just yet. What I do know though is that I want to use this time to focus on my health. Restoring my body, mind and spirit and doing all I can to heal, lean up and be ready for when I can run again. Much like my Coast 2 Kosci experience, there will be ups and downs but ultimately, I will finish, relish in the victory and learn from the struggles along the way.
The next few weeks leading up to my 35th Birthday and the pending return of my running will be relaxed, focused and beautiful. It is what it is and I need to embrace the process/journey. My time will come, I have already planned my return and I am excited for what the future, tomorrow and today brings. Thanks for sharing the process with me. Much love friends, have a rad week and see ya soon. Mat